The Going & Getting.

It's fall and sometimes I think the weather makes me lonely, other times I realize that sometimes, I just get…lonely. I'm the type of girl who drives a car that rattles at stoplights and has a garbage bag held in place with zebra print duct tape instead of a back window. There's a feather hanging from my rearview mirror, three pumpkins in my passenger seat that have been there for over a week, a bumper sticker that says “All Good Things are Wild and Free”, and a scratched up copy of the Pulp Fiction Soundtrack in the cd player. If we are being realistic, I'm a bit of a mess. Now, I can be a fun mess or a dramatic mess and plenty other kinds of quirky mixed up mess all of which I am mostly happy to be. So, the point? That part I'm not so sure, but, I do know that being a twenty something in the middle of the internet era is weird, hell, being anything in the internet era is weird and if I am going to ramble on about the things I have to tell myself I at least want to try and keep it honest, even with the ugly. I'm the type of girl who has gotten so good at leaving, the parts of me that want to stay don't quite remember how. I've held onto a $300 mattress credit for almost two years since I can't commit to buying one because it seems too permanent yet I hoard useless things like a homemade ceramic E.T. statue I found at Goodwill and a cigar box of old buttons that have no use but I just really like. I’ve destroyed friendships for a lack of being decent and seeing how they are doing while caught up in away and at times when I don’t know what to say I makes things worse and say nothing at all. I'm weird and offbeat and most times have no idea what I’m doing but have realized that indulging in dwelling on this is egocentric and self-serving. We're all stumbling through this by trial and error, the ironic part is that it can be genuinely easy to overlook the fact that this "being a little lost" ordeal isn't unique to our individual stories. So, if you’re a little lost, and they’re a little lost, and hey, me to, there is no harm in trying to see the good things and wandering alongside each other for a while, right? Since first taking off I have grown in some ways and regressed in others. I've learned that most times someone is being an asshole it's a lot more about the other person than yourself, and sometimes it is actually, really, really, about you. Take the time to reel it back, be honest with yourself about why they are acting like a regime of fire ants crawled up their naughty bits, and if it has to do with your lack of being a good person to them, attempt to fix it,or not...that part is up to you. Admitting mistakes isn't the only part of an apology, plenty of great liars have learned to do this, and sometimes you will fall for it. Don't blame yourself; just try not to carve a rut in your personality to being “that” person. There are certain questions I’ve stopped asking and there are times I should have tried harder. Whatever type of person you think you are, good or bad, brave or weak, there is always room for change. We’ve got dirty laundry and listening problems. We have baggage and hang ups and plenty of “What if?” I’m weird, and chances are, you’re weird to. All the big weirdness aside we are in this together. So, Do your thing. Wonder. Wander. Stay…Or Go. Try to be nice. Adventure. Tell about it. Live. Question. Listen. Stay Curious. After all, "Maybe that's what life is...a wink of the eye and winking stars." -Kerouac

#wayward #poetry #prose #artofleaving